The Mule

The discussion continues this week about feminist writer Elizabeth Badinter's book, The Conflict , which, amongst other things, is critical of the way attachment parenting 'tethers women to the home and family'. It doesn't really surprise me in the slightest that a style of parenting that often places the needs of children first and those of adults second is coming under fire, in a culture that acclaimed analyst Elizabeth Young-Bruehl has recently dubbed, ' childist '. Even the debates about Badinter's book and its implications for motherhood and feminism seem to be completely devoid of any mention of children's needs, rights or perspective. Children in our world are frequently portrayed as 'difficult', 'naughty', 'trouble', an impediment to adult enjoyment and progress, destroyers of careers and social lives, even ' the enemies of good art '. As parents we are often encouraged to view our relationships with our childre...

"If you nurse them every time they cry", she said, "You just become a human dummy". A dummy - as if I were...lifeless, still, inanimate, unresponsive, and easily and cheaply replaced. Worse still, perhaps, an idiot, a stooge, a fool. I know that Fools have a long history of being wiser than they seem... Nevertheless I prefer to think of myself as... A Human Pacifier. pac·i·fi·er   [pas-uh-fahy-er]  noun 1. a person or thing that pacifies. 2. a rubber or plastic device, often shaped into a nipple, for a baby to suck or bite on. OK. I'll take definition 1. I am 'a person or thing that pacifies.' pac·i·fy    [pas-uh-fahy] verb (used with object), pac·i·fied, pac·i·fy·ing. 1. to bring or restore to a state of peace or tranquillity; quiet; calm: to pacify an angry man. 2. to appease: to pacify one's appetite. 3. to reduce to a state of submission, especially by military force; subdue. Yes... I 'bring or restor...

"Are you putting her down yet?", the Health Visitor asked.  Her manner was stern, and slightly concerned, as if she might be simultaneously wondering who she might mention me to on the community mental health team.  With my baby just a couple of weeks old and sleeping on my shoulder like a dollop of marshmallow, I stammered, "Er...no!...Er...Should I be?!".  "Yes", she replied, unequivocally. "You need to start putting her down more.  If you hold her all the time you will create a bad habit." Oh.  I felt confused.  I didn't have any kind of parenting plan, I wasn't following the advice of any book, it just hadn't occured to me to stop holding this tiny soul.  I liked having her in my arms.  She seemed delicious to me in every way that it is possible to be delicious.  She felt at ease, draped across the body she had only recently vacated.  And besides, I didn't really have anything else to do, but hold he...