The Mule

Lots of women want to give birth in a way that is natural, drug free and empowering, but often, this aspiration ends in intervention, and rather than the transformative rite of passage they were hoping for, many women begin their new lives as mothers feeling, at best, bruised and a little disappointed; at worst, violated and traumatised. Why is this? What is preventing women's dreams, visions and hopes for their birth experience from becoming a reality? Could it be that - Women's Bodies are not Fit for Purpose : Through some evolutionary error, women have a design fault that makes it nigh on impossible to give birth without help. Maybe the baby's head is too big, perhaps her pelvis is too small; whatever the reason, there's a mismatch here and women would be better off opting for an elective section than getting themselves all fired up and unrealistic about a candle lit water birth. Or maybe - Obstetricians are Evil Scissor-Happy Misogynists : Labour Wards are p...

Men's Pooing Time is Sacred, A Hole-y Mystery, It all takes place behind closed doors, Where no one else can see. They set off with their paper, Or book, or magazine, And then for twenty minutes, They're nowhere to be seen. I don't know what they do in there, Or why it takes so long, But certainly there seems to be An injustice, and a wrong. For though there's great variety, In the work us mothers do, One thing is universal - We don't get time to poo. We wash, we wipe, we feed, we love, We pick up toys, we cuddle, And somehow our most basic needs Get lost amidst the juggle. We sometimes make a dash for it, If we feel in desperate need, But with children hanging off each leg There's not much time to read. Our menfolk have maintained their right To defecate alone, Now we need a Revolution For a Small Room of our Own. We've campaigned for equality At work and in our pay So now let's fight for Twenty Minutes Pooing Time ...